One of my very favorite podcasters, and startup coaches, Jerry Colonna of Reboot once uttered the question "When are you being complicit in creating the conditions you say you don't want" on a podcast episode. It was one of those questions that struck me in the moment and cut through all the BS. Well, there is a question.
I wrote it down. I thought about it a lot. As it turns out, and I suspect the same might be true for others, there are a lot of situations in my life that I complain about, am unhappy about or feel like I have on control over, and yet, that simply isn't the whole story. For me, this often shows up in a few specific ways:
Not being direct and ask for what I want/need
Not knowing and showing my value (to myself or others). I tend to diminish my own abilities or myself.
Making decisions based on fear of the unknown or comparison or others or what I consider to be a measurement of success.
Not staying in your own lane. I’m often measuring myself against some things that I likely have non business measuring myself against.
We are often told we have no control, and while I have never wanted to not believe something more (I’m far too type-A for that!), I know there is a lot of truth to that. Some good news though - I do have control over my actions. I can choose to speak up, or not. I can choose to ask, or not. That is all on me. Phew, at least I can do something!
For the purposes of my current daily practice, I changed that above question around for the positive. "What are two instances yesterday that you were complicit in creating the life you want". Sometimes it is a little thing like not eating something i know is going to cause stomach issues later, or bigger things like bringing up a disagreement with a co-worker - showing myself that both what I think matters and seeing how communicate will break down the walls, allow us to build trust and a relationship that allows us to work together with a better understanding of each other going forward.
I've boiled it down to these 4 ideas, based off my main pitfalls. When these are off, I’m not acting true to myself. And thanks to this simple prompt, I can see that now.
Be direct and ask for what I want/need
Know and show my value. Don’t diminish my own abilities.
Make decisions based on expansion and not fear or comparison.
Stay in your own lane - it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing